Tuesday, 13th June 2023.
No sleep. Heat. Sweat. There’s always something to moan about. I need sleep.
17:08
I spent the day at my boss’s house, doing utter shit. Painful, excruciating shit. I don’t blame him. He is keeping money coming in. Pfft. Money? Money is breaking me, but not as much as it should be. There are too many other things on my mind. Life has become?……complicated.
All emotional. All teenage angst shit. Tell me, how do you grow up? I’m 50, for fucks sake! And, I still have no handle on any of it. Yeah, yeah. I can do the obvious stuff. Earn money. Clean a kitchen. Give advice to my son!……..Fuck! I give advice! Like I know anything. I still cry at the sound of a song or a certain smell, with no control.
How many times have I hid my face, at 6 am on a tube or a train, to hide my tears? Too many times to count. Too many times.
You were freshly painted angels.
Wednesday, 14th June 2023.
I decided to start earlier today. Avoid the traffic. L-Bobs girlfriend was ringing the buzzer at 2am! He didn’t even move. I had to kick him. I was not happy.
I feel wrecked, though. The good sleep starts at around 4am, which only gave a couple of hours until I got up. I need normality back. Everything seems so surreal all the time.
Thursday, 15th June 2023.
Back to work. Back on a real job. Back in the City.
I’ve got my boy with me for a couple of weeks. We drove in to deliver.
Friday, 16th June 2023.
The rest of yesterday was horrible. Too hot. Too much work. Too much traffic.
I’ve gotta go and collect my car from Wycombe later so I’m not staying late. I want a weekend, and I want more sleep.
Onwards….