Thursday, 18th May 2023.
The things that keep me going are beyond a joke. So much beyond a joke, I can’t even divulge them. This means they are quite bad(or embarrassing).
I wish I knew how to live with the ghosts. I have so many. Some dead. Some living. Mostly memories.
Friday, 19th May 2023.
No work today. I waited in for some Fiber testing heads, that we hired, to be delivered.
Sadly, I still got up at 05:30 and dropped L-Bobs off at the station. Then I drank coffee, smoked tabs, and looked at my phone.
At around 8am, I did some washing and drank a beer.
It all OK, though. By 3pm, I’d done about 4 loads and sorted out all my tech issues( router, broken laptop, updates, etc.). I also achieved some effect pedal enclosure spraying/labelling.
I have a tremolo pedal to enclose. Then I’m gonna make a centaur clone(guitarists will know).
I’m going back to Leicester tomorrow. Worse than that, I have to be in Flakwell Heath before 6am!
There is no time to contemplate things. That annoys me. I like a good contemplate.
I feel……? I don’t know?…..
I don’t like that.
Saturday, 20th May 2023.
05:55
I’ve already driven to Flackwell Heath, and we are en route to Leicester.
I see a bunch of lads walking down the street as I left. I thought, “that was me once!” Out all night. Pfft.
Sunday, 21st May 2023.
I eventually got home around 6pm, but we achieved the goal, I think?
I spent the rest of the evening in a whisky/amphetamine induced haze. As usual, my overindulgence and lonliness reigned mighty.
I slept for a couple of hours.
This mornings task was clear. Set up 2 mobile phones for my ageing parents so I can track their whereabouts via an app. I was a solid plan until I realised the endless hardship of starting from scratch. We take for granted the ease of the transfer from one phone to another. Man, it was a tough slog.
This was followed by a quick shop and car refuel. I’m fucked. So fucked.
Monday, 22nd May 2023.
It’s my favourite week of every month(around the 20th). It’s when all the “other” big bills come out. A good 400 quids worth. It was lucky I worked Saturday.
Onwards and upwards.
06:11 train to town, then Liverpool Street. I had to buy a new bag as the zip went on mine on Saturday. They never last. Not with the 20 kilos+ tools I carry.
I feel emotionally void. I’m worried about my parents though. Maybe I’ll just have to move back in with them. We are full circle almost. They need me to look after them. Christ. Who’d have thought it? From boy about town to elderly carer!
I don’t see anyone else stepping up.
I’ve just done one of those classic 5 minute jobs that actually takes 3 hours! Then I strained my jaw eating a baguette!
Here they come again. The ghosts. Haunting my brain whenever it’s quiet.
Monday afternoons, when the last of the weekend sweats from my pores, the urge to feed it comes again. It’s addiction. Not to any single vice, but to the cloak it forms that conceals me. You can’t see me anymore. Just a draped mannequin. The once boy about town. Gary “Fucking” King.
How to live with the ghosts.
Tuesday, 23rd May 2023.
No work again. I just got back from teaching my dad more about his mobile. Another thousand lessons and he will get it.
Yesterday afternoon was going really well for a while. L-Bobs came home. He had a couple of new job opportunities, and someone had approached him about doing some modelling(lol). Anyway, he was happy, which, in turn, made me happy. Considering he had a disciplinary at work today……
Then, it all went wrong. He decided to share his news with his mum…………
Return of the witch…….